How do you measure success?

 “Success isn't something we become.
It's a snapshot of a result we achieve.”
- Adam Grant

My husband and I have the great pleasure of raising a daughter. At this point in her life she can roller skate, read on her own a little, and make us a family a meal (as long as it’s eggs and toast). This is a snapshot of where she is today. This snapshot is the sum of 7+ years of experiences that have lead her to these places of capability and confidence such that she can successfully accomplish these things on her own. Yesterday the snapshot would have been different. And tomorrow it will be different still. 

I think, as every parent must, when you see your child successfully break through into a new phase or master a new skill, then you, too, feel successful. Likewise, as your child is learning to roller skate, to read, or to scramble eggs, there is going to be a ton of banged knees, bruised egos, and broken yolks. Failures. In both cases it’s the result – success or failure – that we register emotionally after the effort. But in neither case is the result definitive of who they are as kids. (Or who we are as parents.) 

We don’t permanently define children by their daily snapshot, do we? We collectively acknowledge the necessity of their learning, which means some successes and a lot more failures. Both ways kids learn. Both are valuable and important.

As adults, though, in life, we somehow switch perspectives to start visualizing “success” as a destination; place to get to and stay. Personally, I’ve always visualized my success as an island with a soft-sand beach, warm nights, and personal chef. (I want to go to there!) 

Or we start thinking of success as an end goal. Something we set a metric for and strive to reach. And, should we achieve the goal it’s a title to hold on to as if it were something to put on a business card. “Pat Smith. Success. Call me for a consult @ 555-3456.” It’s just not that. 

Success, like happiness, is an outcome. 

Chances are good that when someone asks you what you want your child to be when they grow up, your knee-jerk response is “I just want them to be happy!”  But, like success, happiness isn’t ephemeral. It’s an outcome of a whole lot of work, trial, and error. No one lives in a state of perpetual happiness (or success). Those are, again, outcomes of effort. 

In sports “success” is much more clearly defined. There are championship games at the end of the season and sports fans watch them happen and there is no dispute (usually) about the outcome. One team successfully scored more points than another. The end. The tragedy here is the through line that success equates to being a winner and failure equates to being a loser. No one wants to be a loser. I’ll just say it right now. It’s so unfair to take a snapshot of a day or a single game and then ascribe titles – winners and losers. There’s success and failure of scoring points. And every team that plays in a game will tell you that that game was just that…one day. It’s a result of all the work and effort that went before it. 

The measure of success is vague and there is no finish line. 

So, if success is not a place or a title, and if the season never ends, how then should we more realistically and supportively honor the daily snapshot of our everyday adult lives? 

The results of our efforts may not be as evident as a child’s banged up knees or as exciting as learning to read, but our efforts on the daily are worthy, at least personally, of being honored. It seems success in business and life is better measured by personal metrics. 

Ask yourself, Am I doing better today than yesterday? Better this year than last year?

You can get more specific if you are inclined, but, if I am moving forward with a commitment to growth and improvement, then that's a pretty darn good measure of success to my mind. 

I wouldn’t ask more of my daughter either. I only look forward to the snapshot in a year when she’s added a few more meals to her repertoire. That’s success for the whole family.